Oh the places you'll go

This morning I woke up and it was the best I’ve felt in a long time. I can’t quite put my finger on it, because it certainly wasn’t the circumstances (I had work all day and it was raining outside). Still, I experienced incredible elation as I walked the rainy route to my work—and not because it was Friday (well…maybe a little bit because it was Friday).

Perhaps part (or a lot) of it is just my mood or natural changing state, but I like to think I’m again hopeful and excited about my possibilities for the future. I’ve been more than a little freaked out about financial burden placed on myself and my parents that comes with excessive loan debt and loss of jobs, not to mention my uncertainty as to where I’ll go/what I’ll do once my lease ends at the end of next month. On my good days it’s unequivocally LA or bust; on my bad days I often resign myself to the possibility of living at home for a few months—or longer—until I can get my finances somewhat in order.

But TODAY—today is a good day. (So far). Yes, it’s true, I am once again working a temp job that is 9 to 5, but I really am happy about the semblance of structure it’s reinstalling in my life right now. I’ve been pretty sick with a gross cold the past few days, and now that it’s finally kicking the bucket, I can finally see the fruits of this two-week excursion back into temp/office life. Once these two weeks are up, I want to carry this little bit of structure I have into the rest of August, so I can really challenge myself with the things I want to achieve—for that month and for the next few years.

Recently, I’ve been sketching storyboards for the comic strip I mentioned, which aren’t looking as awful as I’d initially imagined. I’m actually pretty psyched about the character designs for the two major characters I’ve finished (although I’m having trouble consistently replicating them—which proves a big problem for a regular strip…). Hopefully I’ll be able to draw, ink and finish the first strip over the next week, and once I do I’ll be sure to post it here for you!

As to my other endeavors, I’ve mentioned my reading and movie-watching, but I’d also like to focus again on my fitness (running/working out), work on developing some screenplay ideas, and, perhaps most importantly, focus once more on the documentary feature on Kuduro (a popular Angolan hip-hop music/dance) I want to pursue over the next few years.

While the future still remains blurry, August is certainly looking brighter. Ultimately, I think I will decide LA is the right choice, and one way or another, I’ll find a way to get out there and settled before the end of the year. Right now, at this moment, I’m not worried one bit.

On some other notes:

-Can’t wait for Funny People to come out at the end of the month—it looks fucking hilarious.

-Read: Short story "Tlon, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius" by Jorge Luis Borges

-Watch: "Stop Making Sense" Jonathan Demme directed Talking Heads concert documentery

-Listen: "The 59’ Sound" by the Gaslight Anthem. You’ll be hooked within minutes. Trust me.

Well, that’s it for today, kiddies. Until next time, eat your fruits and vegetables.

Summer Cleaning

It's amazing what cleaning can do for my motivation. Whenever I feel like I'm getting lazy or wasting a lot of time, cleaning my apartment/room always seems to put me in the right frame of mind again. I guess it's just putting myself in the right state of mind--when my place is a mess, I feel like some of it carries over and affects my mental state. Thus, a clean apartment sort of clears the slate for me, freeing my mind on a small psychological level (it's also nice having a clean apartment to stretch out in...). I'm not the only one that feels this effect right?

I've dedicated this weekend to cleaning--and I mean more than just my apartment. I mentioned before I'm taking a break from poker to get other aspects of my life back on the right track. I'm by no means secure financially, but I should be OK for the next few weeks while I get myself situated. Unfortunately the 7-day detox fast has to be pushed back until at least next week, but that won't stop me from going grocery shopping at Harvest, Whole Foods or Trader Joes (all conveniently nearby) this weekend. Also going to try to cut down on my alcohol consumption...spent wayyy too much money on booze last weekend (though it was my bday).

On a happy note...I'm reading a LOT again. Probably the most I've read since Middle School, which doesn't say a lot about how much I read after...

Current reads/views include "Blood Meridian," "One Hundred Years of Solitude," a book of short stories and essays by Jorge Luis Borges (one of my all-time favorite writers), "Stop Making Sense" (Talking Heads doc by Demme) and "The Waking Life" if I can ever get it to work in my roommate's PS2...our only way of playing DVDs at the moment. It's SHIT for reliability. Also watched "Paprika" again recently..don't care what anyone says, I love that movie.

Finally have some movies I need to see in theaters too. Aside from the new HP movie, "Funny People" comes out soon, and I still need to see "The Hangover". Saw "500 Days of Summer" the other day...pretty good--I read the script while I was at my internship in LA, and I think it was executed about as well as it could have been for what the script was. Joseph Gordon Levitt--who I'm a fan of--was great, and Zooey Dechansel was cute and hatable at the same time, something I wasn't sure if she could pull off.

But nowww I'm getting critical and spouting off things that pop into my head, so I'll leave you with this:

Had a huge argument with my parents the other night about my future/our financial problems, which left me feeling pretty shitty and angry, but I still have a lot of hope for the next month and a half before me lease is up. No sense in getting upset about things I can't really control at the moment, so I might as well get the most out of the little I have right now. Got my movies, got my books, got my peeps, got Boston, got music, got Summer weather (finally...please stay!), got my running shoes, got my notebooks and my screenwriting software, and still got my ambitions (which reminds me, I just started working on a comic strip tentatively called "Mud"--still looking for an illustrator though cus my drawing skills are pretty poor)...hm quite a lot now that I look at it...

Definitely on a high cloud today...ah nothing like a little house-cleaning, yeah?

(NOTE: Once I get a few strips finished from the new comic, I'll post on this blog or another. I have several written, just looking for someone to draw...or maybe I'll try my hand...we'll see. Post the synopsis here eventually so check back soon!)

hiatus

Well, I have some sad news for those looking for poker updates--for a few reasons (which I'll get into below) I'm going to be taking a hiatus from casino life.

To start with, the last couple sessions went pretty poorly. Nothing devastating or out of the ordinary, just a pretty bad downswing, which is standard for poker (for those who took stats, variance plays a big roll in the game). At first I just intended to take a break for a while, but the more I thought about it and ran some things through in my head, the more I realized I need to make some changes.

So...I'm taking an extended leave of absence from poker in order to get my life straight in some other areas. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in a bad place right now, but I'm certainly not where I'd like to be in setting myself up for the next several years and what I want to do with my life.

Poker has helped me stay true to my beliefs about work and money, but it's also kept me from focusing on some more important aspects of my life. Despite the title of this blog, I think my life right now needs a little more structure than it has. I've never been against structure, but rather I've been adamant in my disagreement with too much structure--balance is key.

What does this structure include? Well, since I (most likely) only have another month and a half in Boston, I want to spend the time doing the following more...

1. Eat healthy
2. Stay fit
3. Read
4. Write
5. Watch movies (less TV)

As of this weekend, I am beginning a week-long detox fast. While the health benefits of detox and alternative medicine in general are debatable, fasting and detox (expelling harmful toxins from the body by eating healthy and taking certain herbs--in this case in tea form) can be really effective on a psychological and spiritual level. Apparently it can really lighten the body and, effectively, the mind. I'm getting sick of continuously clogging my body with greasy fast food and microwavable shit, so I want to use this week-long fast as a springboard to a healthy eating lifestyle. I'll be eating just limited quantities of fruits and steamed vegetables and drinking lots of water and a special detox tea. Sounds gross I know, but I think this is needed.

Also, I'm going to try and start working on maintaining at least a semblance of a schedule. This includes, perhaps most importantly, getting up earlier to make more of my days instead of sleeping in and wasting away in front of the TV. Which brings me to media, i.e. watching more movies. Film is my life, so I really need to start taking greater advantage of my Netflix and watch less television.

Finally, I'd like to read more and run/work out regularly to stay (or get...) in better shape.

Over the next month and half before my lease for my apartment in Boston ends, this will be my charge. That means cutting out the irregularity and repercussions of the poker lifestyle. Of course, I will still be updating you on my "quest" to live free of the 9 to 5! Just with a little less poker...

(You'll certainly be hearing from me during my week-long fast...I'm sure I'll have a lot to write about...the degree of pain maybe?)

ewww

OK. I'm going to write a full post soon, but I've been following the World Series of Poker (WSOP) Main Event online and I just saw this update:

A huge pot just went down on Blue #30. It was raised preflop from early position by Fernando Gordo to 56,000. Bertrand Grospellier, Scott Cook and Don Tran all called the raise, creating a 4-way pot with more than 225,000 chips in it before a single community card came down. The flop was . Gordo, the preflop raiser, had to act first. He bet 155,000 and got calls from Grospellier and Cook both. Only Tran folded. The turn paired the board. Gordo fired another 250,000 into the middle. Again Grospellier and Cook both called, creating a gigantic pot of almost 1.5 million chips heading into the river . Gordo, perhaps sensing something amiss, finally slowed down. He checked. Grospellier also checkd, bringing the action to Cook. "I can't do it," Cook said after a few moments. He also checked, taking us to showdown. Gordo: - two pair, aces and threes Grospellier: - two pair, aces and threes Cook: - a full house, fives ful of threes Cook dragged the pot to increase his count to about 3 million.

Ummmm...to those of you who don't follow or no much about poker, there might not seem to be much wrong here. However, let me put this in perspective. This is the WSOP Main Event, the big one for poker players. Lots of amateurs enter, but at this point there are only 140 or so players left of the nearly 6500 that entered. Cook flopped a set of 5's, which turned into a full house on the turn. This is MONSTER hand. The other two guys flopped a pair of kings with top kicker (the ace). On a rainbow flop (three different suits) of 35K, those are also monster hands. I understand just calling on the flop and turn maybe, to try and slowplay the river. Seeing a turn on that board seems relatively safe, and after boating up seeing a river seems safe as well. But to just CALL on the river is absolutely ridiculous. I don't care what the situation is or who you are, 55 on a 35K38 board when no one has raised and both of the other players check to you on the river is almost ALWAYS going to be best. To those of you who aren't following: only three hands beat his 5's full of 3's: pocket 8's, pocket K's, and pocket 3's. When it's checked to him on the river, there is no chance the other two players have one of those three unless they were CERTAIN Cook was betting, which would have been foolish seeing as he showed no aggression during the hand whatsoever. So for Cook to not bet that river, even just a small bet of 300k-500k, is absolutely baffling.

I'm stunned, if this update is accurate. 6350 players are out of the richest tournament in poker and someone left doesn't have the ball to fire a bet on the river, last to act when it's checked to him, when he has a monster hand??? Just wow.

Anyway, I'm done ranting. More from me soon.

Free time

One of the biggest perks of this lifestyle I have at the moment is the free time that comes with it.

I have more time to watch movies, more times to read, more time to write. For the first time in a few months I've been taking advantage of my Netflix subscription.

Like any artist, it's necessary for a filmmaker to expose themselves to a wide range of work within their field. I believe the most original and beautiful work weaves inspiration from the collective library stored within the artist's mind, so in essence the more art one exposes themselves too, the greater the potential pool of material one can draw from to sew together a wholly new design.

The complex web of art is what perhaps draws me to film, where the overlap and global effect/affect is abundantly apparent. Already my own ideas and work owes the world to Gilliam, the Coens and Miyazaki, among numerous others. And beyond that lies the inspiration of Kafka, Borges, Matisse, Gauguin, Bob Dylan...

Thus, the importance of Netflix and the BPL to my continuing self-subjection to art in the hopes it will inspire and enhance my own work.

(read on only if you want to take the risk of being sufficiently bored by the conclusion)

Lately I've been interested in the minimal, which is interesting for me because I'm a self-proclaimed "hater" of realism. Yet I find myself drawn to the likes of Altman, Linklater and Jarmusch, among others. Perhaps it's my fascination with using subtlety to the greatest effect. I believe one of the most interesting aspects of film is not what you can show, but what you choose not to show...what sounds are not heard, what lines are not spoken. While the stage thrives in excess, film succeeds in restraint. This is true of acting, lighting, directing...and many other aspects. Of course, there are exceptions (and wonderful exceptions at that).

Personally, I find my interests lie with the clash of the fantastical, the "real" and the minimal. I grew up watching and reading fantasy and science fiction, utterly in awe of the amazing creations of the human mind that only exist on paper or the screen. Now, though, as I grow as a filmmaker and a person, I recognize the subtlety of the art of filmmaking, and I'm beginning to respect the works of those I mentioned above. Like my childhood awe at the inventions of Star Wars, my newly budding adult mind finds itself watching in wonderment the minimalistic violence of No Country for Old Men, the simple brooding of Before Sunrise and the amazing complexity with which Altman weaves seemingly endless and unconnected story-lines together in Nashville.

And now I find myself at the center, drawn to the magical realist works of Jorge Luis Borges and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and the similarly beautiful films of Terry Gilliam. Film is life, but life is just too boring to film, I find--but sprinkle in some magic and pull it back so that only the bones remain, and I believe there might just be something there worth watching...or at least something I'd want to make.

Anyway, here are some recent movies I've Netflixed I'd recommend watching to anyone still reading: "Bleu" from the Trois Couleurs trilogy by Krzystof Kieslowki, "The Fountain" by Darren Aronofsky, "Dancer in the Dark" by Lars Von Trier (reallllly want to see "Antichrist" btw), and "Jesus Son" by Allison MacLean. Enjoy!

another day another dollar

Finally got back to the Woods today after a week absence, as I've been making excuses not to go pretty much every day since last Monday.

Anyway, went today, hit the +$250 mark within an hour, and pretty much chilled for the next 4 hours. Finished up $235 for a nice start to the week.

Might pull the double and go tomorrow, since Wednesday I'm headed to an improve show my roommate is teching at the Improve Asylum and Thursday is me bdayyy. Birthday's are overrated but I can still use it as an excuse to hang out with good friends and drink more than I should.

And Friday is...well, Friday (tough to get a bus to the casino on Fridays also, since it's the end of the work week and peeps are looking for a way to let off some steam built up since the beginning of the week). Saturday is my joint partyyyy with my friend Jen...so psyched. Another short "work" week...have to make the most of it tomorrow I suppose...wish me luck at the tables!

Also recently (i.e. today), having second (or third...) thoughts about LA. There are so many things I want to do...but is LA really the place? Maybe I need to go somewhere my friends aren't...New York? Toronto? Abroad? I don't really care about money so my options are more open...

Today's been really nostalgic for me. I don't have regrets (except ONE, which I have told no one), but for some reason today I've been thinking a lot about my college life and relationships. I should say "relationship" (singular) since I've only been in one real relationship in college (and that one was short-lived). Anyway, it's been a weird few days.

I've been thinking a lot about life. About what I want to do for the rest of mine. And I've come to realize all of the things I want to do in my lifetime and how little I've done already...why must things like money, lust, apathy and hate get in the way of the great things people could achieve for the world?

I won't stray too deep into this line of thought, but what I'm getting at is that there are a lot of things that are fucked up about this world--and there are so few people alive willing to stand up to these deceptions. I want to be one of those people. I have been blind and apathetic my whole life, but I just now am starting to realize the things I can accomplish if only I set my mind to them...

Now I just need to figure out where to start...

Lazy lazy lazy

I've found excuses not to go to Foxwoods the past few days..

Tuesday I told myself I'd get things done around here (did not). Wednesday I had plans that night so wasn't worth taking the 1030 bus (9am bus was tooo early). Ironically, did get some things done yesterday.

Told myself I'm definitely going today, but woke up pleasantly with a thunderstorm raging outside my windows and thought, 'hey! it's not safe to take a bus in this weather!'

I think the motivation problem lies in the bus rides, not me not wanting to play cards. See, there are only buses from Boston at 9am, 1030am, 1230pm and 2pm, and it's a 2-hour trek to the Woods. The morning buses are hard for me to make, but when I take the later buses I don't get home until midnight (or 7am the next morning...). Not a fan of those hours. Need to start getting on a regular sleeping schedule I think....or at least a regular wake-up schedule.

Oh well, definitely going tomorrow...right?

(I do love a good morning thunderstorm complete with wind and rain though)

Recap: Last two weeks

So let me take a brief moment to recap the action (as poker players say) of the last few weeks:

-6/9/09: First day of the new "job" started off great. Made some big hands and was up over $400 in under three hours. I finished the day up a solid $375.

-6/10/09: Day two was a lot slower...slow table, boring players. Finally won a decent pot towards the end when I flopped two queens with king-queen to crack someone's pocket aces. Managed to finish up $75 or so.

Unfortunately...well, maybe not unfortunately...I had to take a week hiatus from the tables to go to the beach with my extended fam.

-6/23/09: First day back in the poker room went pretty badly. I was down $150 in less than two hours and decided to play a tournament with a $120 buy-in. 155 players entered, and the top 15 finishers would be paid $1000 even. After a shitty run of cards, I finished 17th, two off the money with $0 to show for it. An hour later and $40 lost at the blackjack tables, I was down over $300. It was well past midnight at this point and the next bus wasn't til 4:30 in the morning, so I went back to the cash tables. Finally found some good fortune and cut my losses to just over $100. First day in the negative.

-6/29/09: And that brings me to yesterday...well yesterday was a roller-coaster. At my first table, not much going and was down $50 after several hours. Took a dinner break and sat down at a new table. Doing pretty well, and thought I'd call it a night up $70 or so on the night, since my bus was leaving in 10 minutes. Decided to play ONE MORE HAND. Famous last words--but in this case in a good way. Called a raise with Ace-six and flopped three 6's (667). Guy bet $25, I raise to $75, he calls. Turn is an 8. I bet all in for $150, and he calls right away. He has 45 and turned a straight to my set. River is the last 6. I make quads and take down the $500+ pot. Gotta get lucky sometimes I guess...bad play on my part, but I'll take it.

At this point I should have left, since the bus left in 5 minutes, but in poker it's really rude to win a giant pot and leave right away, especially if you had to get lucky to do it...so I decided to stick around until the 4:30am bus. I was up $350 at this point. Thennn I ran really bad over the next several hours and dropped almost $300. At my low point, I folded a big draw on the river to an all in bet bcus the odds weren't quite right...turns out I would have hit my flush and won a $600 pot to put me up over $500. Alas, that's how it works sometimes. It was a fine fold, but I was now only up $60 on the night after having been up $350 at my high point. Luckily I managed to finish strong and played my best hand of the night to get some back. After all the ups and downs, managed to post a decent win, going home in the wee hours of the morning up $170.

***

So, after four days "at the office", I've done pretty decent. Probably shouldn't have played that tournament, but I've still posted positive numbers in three of the four days. Made $520 or so in total, which means about $130 a day...that's a lot more than I'd be making working a 9-to-5 temp job at $9 an hour, that's for sure. So far so good. Keep you updated.